contemplating on a little book

One of the most amazing experiences studying at the seminary is being convicted of my sin and brought to awe and worship of God while researching for a paper or sitting in a lecture. who would've thought that one could be brought to tears praising God reading a seemingly dry theology textbook (Doctrine of God by John Frame did it for me)?

I'm reading John Owen's The Mortification of Sin for a research paper. sure enough, it happened again. it convicts me deeply, for it feels as if he was writing exactly to my sinful heart. how often do we think that we've had victory over sin, while in truth we were simply diverting one sin to another outlet. examining my own life, I have been focusing on battling against impatience and discontentment. I've been fighting it because it brings discomfort to my soul, because it causes anguish within me. am I fighting it because God hates it that I distrust His perfect plan and that I put my fleshly desires before His sovereign and good will? am I truly fighting it? or am I simply filling my life with futile activities in an attempt (either conscious or subconscious) to rid the empty feeling?

the lust and sin will be within us until we die or Christ returns. how boastful would we be if we thought we could reach completion by completely mortifying such lust and sin in us! always be on guard, diligently examining our own heart and mind, searching out the root of sin that could erupt into adultery, fornication, idolatry, hatred and heresies if we let it.

have I depressed whoever is reading with such a gloomy path of mortification of sin? sometimes I depress myself contemplating on my inability and constant failure to fight sin. but Owen reassured again and again his readers that he wrote, not for unbelievers, but for those who "did not receive teh spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!'. The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs - heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." that same Spirit who bears witness that we are children of God, is the same who is the only author for the work of mortification of sin. He only is sufficient for this work. I'll let Owen's own words encourage us.

"This renewing of us by the Holy Ghost, as it is called (Titus 3:5), is one great way of mortification: he causes us to grow, thrive, flourish and abound in those graces which are contrary, opposite, and destructive to all the fruits of the flesh, and to the quiet or thriving of indwelling sin itself."