"Gift" of singleness?

I wandered into the book store earlier this week, looking for a Piper book. But stumbled across this book instead, Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness. After reading the introduction I was so intrigued I had to buy it. I haven't finished reading it, about half way through. It has, however, already rocked my world a little. In fact, along with Dr. Mohler, I would recommend this book to whoever is reading this blog, whether you're single or married. I'm not going to summarize the book (since I haven't finished reading anyways). Let me just share a little reflection from the reading so far.

I've always been rather reserved or passive when it comes to discerning God's will. Case in point, I have not been able to say with confidence that marriage is God's will for me. The reason for that hesitance is purely circumstantial. I'm still single in my mid-twenties, perhaps it's God's will for me to stay single the rest of my life? Perhaps He's given me the "gift of singleness"? Debbie Maken, the author, would give an emphatic NO!

First of all, she argues that "singleness" is not a gift. The church's teaching today has erroneously equated singleness with the gift of "celibacy", or removal of sexual desires. If singleness was a gift, why then do most singles receive this "gift" with grumbling and angst, desperately looking for the gift receipt? I have been counseled by some that I need to learn to be content with my singleness; I need to accept that perhaps God has called me to lifelong singleness. And trust me, I have tried and tried and tried to suppress my desire for marriage. I have given myself the talk "I'm better off being single", "I can do so much more ministry and stuff in life being single", or "I just don't have time for that right now". And I have been very upset and frustrated with myself many times, when that desire simply will not go away. I have thought myself weak and unspiritual for being distracted by that desire. But am I sinning by desiring marriage? Or am I simply feeling that desire naturally by God's design?

In Genesis 1:27, God created man in His own iamge... "male and female" He created them. The male-female union reflects God's image far better than either sex individually, and it is for His glory. Maken argues that it is God's will for people to marry. She says,

Often I hear singles fret, "But I don't know if it's God's will for me to get married After all, if it was God's will, wouldn't I be married by now?"... what it's boiled down to is that because they're not married now (and often don't see any prospects in the near future) they conclude that God must not want them to get married... God's will is not dependent on your circumstances or our culture or the guy you dated last year, last month, or last Friday night. God's will is dependent upon God alone and is revealed in Scripture by what He's declared to be His divine intention.

I'm very guilty of fretting and giving that statement above. But after reading and thinking over Matthew 19:4-12 and 1 Corinthians 7, I don't think I fit that category of being exempt from marriage. I'm not living in an age of famine or persecution (which is the background for 1 Cor. 7). I don't feel "called" (spiritually, practically, logically) to serve in an environment, such as some closed, war-ridden country in the middle East, where if I were to have a family their lives would be in danger. And honestly speaking, the ministry I'm being trained and prepared for (counseling, women's and youth ministry) can be done even more efficiently if I were married. So my current and future ministries simply cannot be used as an excuse for my singleness. Maken gives a careful exegetical study on those two passages. I'm not trying to sell this book, but I would encourage us to examine those passages and the rest of the Bible on this issue.

Long story short, I'm still mulling over Maken's writing. For sure my view on singleness and marriage has been challenged. And I have been challenged to examine the Scripture more carefully regarding marriage, biblical manhood and womanhood. What's been confirmed in me is that I do desire marriage, and I seek a marriage that will honor and glorify God far better than I can by myself. Maken suggests that while men are supposed to take the initiatives, there are things Christian women can do to change their single status. I haven't gotten to that part yet. Guess I'll have to read on.